i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
