dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
