the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He shit in the fireplace
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
