i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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