I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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