I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
