so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
