She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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