watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We left the knife in your bed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
