I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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