You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
