I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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