It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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