I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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