i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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