TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
