he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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