wakey wakey hands off snakey
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
