can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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