oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
