I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
