just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He kissed a someone with a penis
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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