A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
