Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
