I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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