The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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