i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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