that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just want nice things and good sex
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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