4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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