I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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