We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
