got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
