You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
