Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
