just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize