he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize