Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
