dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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