For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
