been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
