Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
