I think I am morally bankrupt
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
