Please, let me fuck your mom
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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