ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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