So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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