I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
