highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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