it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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