How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
