The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
