dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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