I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
