the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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