Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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