Umm I'm too high to move.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize