My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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