Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
