I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
