I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
