Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
