I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize