How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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