Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
