jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
