we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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